When the dishwasher broke...

The dishwasher broke down. It just stopped. That is five weeks ago... It took ten days for a repair man to come, and he said we needed a new machine and no repair was made. We waited another two weeks before the installation man came. But he had ordered the wrong machine and the old broken machine still remains in my kitchen... waiting to be replaced. If I'm lucky, I might get a new dishwasher just in time for Christmas. Or not. I'm not sure and I have no longer any expectations.

Washing dishes by hand for a family of five is a big job. Especially when you have only one small sink (no big farmer's kitchen with double sink in our house, no no no...) and a small dishwasher rack big enough for a single girl of 20 something who never eat at home... I have found a routine that contains of multiple sessions daily of washing dishes and emptying the dishwasher rack. It's all about being one step ahead to avoid a Mont Blanc of dirty dishes on the kitchen bench. Bless the kids, they have been helpful. At times. If I ask them. Or force them... But most of the time it is me doing the dishes. I have turned into an organic dishwasher. With very clean and very dry hands... I wish for hand lotion for Christmas,

"Mama, I'll do the dishes." Emmy Bo announces at dinner.
"Alright, cool." I am happily surprised by this offer. We clear the table together and she tells me to go away because she is doing the dishes.
"Go away Mama. I'm gonna do this."
"Did Papa tell you guys to help me out with dishes while he is in London?" I ask with a twink in my eye as I think this is too good to be true...
"No. I'm doing this all by myself because I WANT to help you." Emmy Bo declares firmly with a big smile and love in her eyes.

YES! I have succeeded as a parent! It's all good! I can retire now! All the hard work of parenting is finally - FINALLY - paying off. It's just GREAT!

Seriously. I feel like Superwoman. And so I retreat to the sofa and pick up my crochet while Emmy Bo takes care of the kitchen and leaves it spotless. That, my friends, is pure parental success right here. Am I proud? Oh yes! Proud of me. Proud of her. Proud of this moment. Maybe it's not that bad to have a broken dishwasher after all...

Kärlek
Annette

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What do you do when someone dies?

She came down the stairs on Saturday morning with tears streaming down her cheeks.
"Her mother died!" she mumbled through the snivels.

One of Nelly Bo's best friend's Mum had just died after many years of fighting cancer. Too soon. She was told she had until after the October break or even up until Christmas left. But she just died. On Friday night. The friend, let's call her Alicia, had planned to make a tattoo to honor her Mum, and her mother insisted she would do it as soon as possible as she wanted to be there to see it before she had to go. But she ran out of time... It is so so tragic. I wrapped my arms around Nelly Bo and while trying to hold back my own tears, I let her cry it out for a moment.

"What do I do Mama?" she asked.
Yeah... what do you do when someone dies? I reflected for a moment how to answer this question, what would I have done, what would I have wanted someone else to do for me if it happened to me at age 17?

We are protected from death so far in our family, with a Great Grandma who now is turning 102 in December, I just think we are one of those family trees that are long lived people. We don't talk about death and needless to say, we don't know anything about it. It is hard to comprehend when faced with death so suddenly and relatively close... I'm not sure how to handle it.

After a little while I said to Nelly Bo:
"I don't know... I think you should just tell Alicia you are there for her. Ask her if she wants to talk about it or if she just want to be alone. If she wants you to come over to hang out. Tell her you are very very sad for her loss and that you don't really know how to help. Be honest. Tell her you have no idea of what she is going through right now but that you want to help if possible. Ask her if she wants your comfort or maybe for you to just be normal and chatty... Tell her she can come over at any time and that our family is here to help if help is needed. Just reach out. Listen. Be there for her. " Well, at least that is kind of what came out of my mouth if I remember it right. Because to be truly honest, I didn't really know what to say. It breaks my heart to know that a man in his mid 40's now is on his own with his three children. How is he coping? How are the children? Do they have extended family who can help? Cook? Clean? Do practical things? I mean, they all must be in tremendous shock. It happened so sudden. They really thought they had at least a month more to prepare themselves for her passing...

A couple of days has passed since the sad news arrived and Nelly Bo is in close contact with Alicia through messages and Snap Chats daily, which is good I think. We have dropped off chocolate chip cookies and pickled cucumbers (apparently Alicia loves pickles!!!) together with comfort hugs at her door. On Saturday night Nelly Bo suggested to her friend to watch a movie with Jim Carrey to get her mind off things. "Jim Carrey movie? Why that?" I asked. Because Jim Carrey always makes Nelly Bo feel good when she is having hard times. He makes her laugh. And she thought that if he makes her laugh maybe he would have the same effect on her friend... Sounded like a weird thing to suggest in my ears but that evening Alicia's whole family - the father and his three kids - cuddled up in the sofa together to watch a Jim Carrey movie. It made me so happy to hear. I guess the Nelly Bo's idea wasn't too bad after all.

I'm keeping a close eye on this family and especially Alicia. I wonder how she will cope when it all sinks in. Becomes reality, after the numb shock phase is over... I hope we can continue to be there for her so she won't fall off Earth in her sadness. It's a tough age to loose a mother when being just 17, her younger brother is only 12. Her older brother is 19. I guess it is never easy no matter what age, but still...

If you have any experience or stories to share, I would love to hear them. It could help me and Nelly Bo to know how we can continue to give support and help to Alicia and her family. Life is fragile. When things like this happens I remind myself how precious life is and how it is not to be taken for granted. Why can't we see that without tragedy being thrown in our faces??? Why is it so hard to appreciate that we live here and now instead of living in the past or in the future. Life is a gift. We should really, really make the most of it.

Kärlek
Annette

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Weekend in France, garden surprises and busy September

The winds are changing from warm and smooth to a bit nippy and chill. I find myself reaching out for a long sleeve shirt and even my light duvet vest when going outside. Our garden is a mess of dried out and dead plants. What happened with the garden this year? I think it must be a consequence of the hot and dry summer. We certainly did not get the amount of rain we could have needed. Well oh well. I'm seeing a day of ripping out dead plants and weeds coming up in the near future. I'm actually looking forward to that. I find garden work to be very calming.

GARDEN SURPRISE
A big happy surprise are those beautiful yellow flowers reaching for the sky ("To infinity and beyond!!!"), a result from some seeds we planted earlier this spring. It's some sort of alternative artichoke seeds we tried out, and those tall and steady stalks are now performing in full bloom. We had no idea  they would be so beautiful! I think we will have to plant this particular artichoke seed every year from now on because I just love these yellow bright flowers against the blue bird sky. I love how they wave in the wind on wobbly stems. So so beautiful!

WEEKEND IN FRANCE
We had a lovely time in Nevers, France last weekend, just hanging out, me and Jay. We are not spoiled with time away and to be able to leave the kids for a couple of days for some quality time  just the two of us, felt like a true luxury. We needed it.

Once again we did our favorite concept: a couple of track days for Jay to enjoy some speed and adrenaline rushes while I'm chilling out by the tent crocheting and absorbing the motorsport environment with raveling engines and Super Heroes dressed in leather. That is how we like to do it as neither one of us are much up for holding hands and drowning in each others eyes over lit candles. It is just not our style, never was. But nice dinners and a drink on a plaza while people watching is nice as well as just being together doing our own things side by side and share the joy of each others passions.

We stayed at a nice hotel, enjoyed one terrible dinner (How can a Chinese restaurant fail to deliver??? I thought that was impossible...) and one very nice meal at a fancy French restaurant. We started to watch the Poldark series (season 1 - no spoilers please...) tucked into the hotel room bed with the lap top balancing on top of our bellies (!!!), and I was surprised when Jay said he wanted to continue to watch this series as I thought it was waaaay to much of a "romantic periodic drama" for him to handle... He surprises me sometimes. Still. 17 years... its a long time. We are reconnecting after all those years of parallel parenting team work, figuring out who we are now individually and who we are as a couple. It is scary and exciting at the same time. Anyone who can relate?

WHEN DID SEPTEMBER BECOME SO BUSY?
A new week is laying ahead and my agenda seem to never ease up, being full of scribbles with no blank spaces. What is it with September? Why is life so busy this time of year? I'm longing for some breathing room. Time for reflection and a day shining bright and white without obligations in my agenda. Do you feel the same way as I do?

Kärlek
Annette

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Home Sweet Home

Two weeks have passed since we came back from vacation. I was so full of energy at first, made plans on things to do, projects to start, blogging and catching up with things where I left it. I even started on a few blog posts but they just ended up being such loooooong rambles that I never got around to edit or to push the publish button... I thought, after a few days in limbo, that maybe I just need to land in my Home Sweet Home for a bit first...

I landed. I started knocking off things on my To-Do list, kept my kids stimulated enough to not heavily fall into Cyber world 24/7. I got poorly and suddenly my machinery was running on low gear and I started to feel bad about being ill, as a mother most often do, or at least I do (we want to be Superwomen right?). What a waste to be sick and miss out on hours of productivity... Kind of sad that...

Anyway. I'm picking up my energy levels. Surprisingly I've accomplished more in the last 24 hours than in a long time. :) And I finally - FINALLY - finished my Wall Of Frames. I'm so happy this project is now accomplished. It's been dragging on for over a year. So typical me, I would say.

So, to keep this short and bubbly. I'm here. And I'll be back with glimpses of summer fun, new projects and much more very soon. Take care my lovelies. I'm off. To the garden. With crochet bag in hand. What are you up to?

Kärlek
Annette

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The phone line kiss

I'm running errands and I'm running late for lunch at home. I call home from the car on the speaker phone when leaving the parking garage at the mall. Emmy Bo answers with her twittering voice filling the inside of the car. I explain that I'm on my way, she says:  
"Ok. See you soon Mama. I love you." and then she give me a kiss through the phone, a kiss that fills up the inside of the car where I sit, making me feel the most wonderful warmth in my soul. And I'm thinking:
"This is life. This is love. This is what matters. This is why I'm here on this earth. To get this phone line kiss from my 11-year girl." Such a simple action that fills me with the deepest and most true love. Motherhood at its best. Eleven is a great age. And once again, its the small things in life that matters... like a kiss on the speaker phone in the car. Remember that.

Kärlek
Annette

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