Waiting for the "right mood"...

I'm desperately trying to work, I've been attempting to get this project started for days now, but I do everything part from what needs to be done:

- I tidy up my desktop on the computer, make folders, back up files, sort and organize

- I tidy up my desk, filing papers, sorting mail, put coffee cups in the dishwasher

- I make myself a tea

- I have to check the mailbox

- I feed the cats

- I sort some photos 

- Start a load of laundry

- Sweep the kitchen floor

- Write a grocery list

- Oh, it is 10 am, time for a pause and some "fika" [coffee & cake break]

and so it goes on with Mountains Of Distractions as in the illustration above... 

 

Pause??? From what??? I still haven't done ANYTHING of what I was planning to accomplish today. I even got up early this morning at 6.30 am, to set the professional tone. Prepared my morning tea and breakfast, did NOT turn on the dreadful TV news, did NOT take out the crochet. I got dressed, brushed my teeth and went to my office to work. I did EVERYTHING to avoid distraction, to make room for productivity and focus... But I'm totally blocked. It is 3pm and I'm still in limbo... feeling the restlessness eating me from the inside and just finding new distractions to delay taking action on the work assignment.

I sure don't like myself when I'm like this. I'm not proud of it. I think it is related to my creative nature, stress and insecurity. Lack of control. And right now (as I've mentioned in previous blog posts this last week) it is just too much shit (pardon my French) going on right now. I'm waiting for inspiration... the urge of jumping right in to the creative and productive me, but inspiration doesn't come easy when forced... This happens every now and then to the creative professional me and somehow I always pull it off in the last minute. It will happen... but not right now. I think I'm trying to hard. 

Instead I write this blog post, say warm WELCOME to all you new visitors dropping in from Lucy's wonderful Attic24 to say hi. I'm so happy to have you here and I hope you'll stick around for a bit so I can get to know you better. :) And after pressing publish I'll go outside for a walk in the sun, check in on the flowers still adding color to my garden to find some peace, and maybe I'll sit on my bench for a bit and work on my little potholder project I started last night. I love the colors, I love the stitch, I love the fabric it creates. It is all good vibes in this project. So, I'm just gonna go "vibing" for a bit, as my kids would say. A new word I recently have learned and quickly added to my vocabulary. I like it a lot. I should go "vibing" more often and maybe the "vibing" will create the "right mood" as  Calvin & Hobbes explain in the comic strip above. What do you think? Are you like me sometimes or is it just me? And what do you do to stop the dilly-dallying, stalling or whatever you like to call it? I would love to know.

Crochet notes: Potholder made with two strands of Sports Weight mercerized Cotton and a 5.5 mm hook using the Thermal stitch, pattern here by Sewrella. I have made a foundation of 27 stitches.

Procrastination: The action of delaying or postponing something. The word has origin from the Latin procrastinatus, which itself evolved from the prefix pro-, meaning "forward," and crastinus, meaning "of tomorrow."

Vibing: When you are feeling normal - not uptight or anything, just chilling out.

Kärlek
Annette

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Sunday rambles

I walk down through my village, the sun is coming in and out behind the clouds. Trees are starting to change colors. I pass the flowers shop and all the beautiful autumn flowers arrangements. I take a mental note to tidy up my geraniums when coming back, preparing to change geraniums for autumn colors at the front of my house.

   

I cross the fields with my village on my right, walk along the river, into the woods following the path between the pine trees shooting for the stars. An hour later I'm back home longing for a frothy coffee and some crochet time on my bench. One has to take the chance when the weather is nice, right.  

 

I prep my favorite spot: blanket and sheep skin to sit on, pillow for my lower back. Table cloth on the stone table. I bring out my crochet WiP, the Blanket Of Hope. Oh my, I need some Blanket Of Hope therapy on this gorgeous day. A newly purchased pot with autumn blossoms and a bright orange pumpkin at the foot of my bench will make my spot even more cozy. I get distracted and spend a good half an hour taking care of my geraniums at the front of the house and by the time I come back, with frothy coffee and all, my place is stolen by a little Miss Maya the cat... She refuses to move. I gently try to pull the blanket a bit, but she is moving at all. I don't have the heart to push her off... Big sigh... there goes my crochet time...

 

Well oh well, luckily I'm a multi project kind of girl with a number of WiP's on the go at the same time... I fetch WiP no 2, the Cluster V-stitch Baby Blanket. It will do. We sit there, Maya and I, until my coffee is gone and my fingers cold. It starts to sprinkle and I pack it all up, put all the blankets and pillows in the shed and rush inside before the rain comes. Next time the sun is out I'll do it all again... prep my space, get distracted but eventually I'll have my moment. Sometimes just 5 minutes, other times more. I love my spot. I love my bench.

Kärlek
Annette

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It's ok to cry

The autumn sun. How I love the autumn sun. How it spreads a golden layer over the fields, tree tops, roads and houses. I'm in the car, listening to some gentle tunes from my Chill & Dream playlist. I'm trying to catch the feeling. The bus stops in front of me and lets people off. Young and old, I can't see their faces. They are covered in masks and something inside of me just bursts in that moment... this is so surreal. How did we end up here? I'm not sure if I can take more of... of what? Just everything!

 

I've had a shitty day. Work at school was extremely busy, loud, challenging. Just a constant running around. Lively kids pushing limits non stop, more than usual. I'm tired. Really really tired...

 

As if drama at work wouldn't be enough, the drama at home seem to escalate by the day. There is always a drama of some sort. Being a teenage Mum really puts you to the test at times. Small kids, small problems - big kids, big problems you know... It is just more challenging emotionally I find. It's no longer black and white, yes and no... it's a constant grey zone of negotiation, understanding. listening, balancing pros and cons, give and hold back... So, a tear finds its way down my cheek and I decide to not hold back and just let them flow for a minute. Because everything has just piled up throughout the week. It's been a stressful week needless to say. I guess it all had to come out in tears at some point. 

 

I'm not afraid of emotions. I've learned that crying can be a relief, a good way of rinsing yourself from heavy loads of stuff, all kind of stuff. It's like the fogginess of frustration, stress, hurt, pain, helplessness, sadness - whatever it is -  evaporates with every tear. Afterwards I always feel more clear in my mind, focused on finding solutions instead of being trapped in negativity. So I cry in the car the last kilometer going back home...

 

I arrive home, park the car. I don't shout a cheerful "Hello!" as I always do. Instead I go straight upstairs, change work outfit to cozies, woolly socks on. I salute Jay who prepares dinner in the kitchen, grab a beer and go outside to my bench, sit myself down, feet on the table. I can see the French Alps sticking up behind the bee hive church. It feels great to just sit there while the sun goes down, watching Jay by the stove inside in the kitchen. I drink my beer in silence, let thoughts flow and after a while I feel ready to go back in and take part of family life inside. A family life I do treasure and love deeply. Including all the good, bad and the ugly. I wouldn't want it any other way. My family is my everything. 

Kärlek
Annette

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