Friday, September 4, 2020

30 seconds of calm

30 seconds of calm.
After CrossFit. I was strong today. The views are magnificent. I just had to pull over and take it all in. Share it with you. 30 seconds turned soon into 30 minutes...

This is a good day.  I see everyone coming together with Lucy's (Attic24) September challenge #yarnfriendsrock  on Instagram. It's inspiring. Makes me reflect. I need my crochet. I need the calm it gives me. I miss it. I want to make time for it again.
I need moments like this. To stop. Take it all in. Be. Life is running away from me too fast. AT least that is what it feels like... Dear life, just help me stop and pause for a moment. Just embrace me dear life. I don't want to take you for granted. Help me be more present. I'm here. Hold me tight. 


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Friday, May 22, 2020

Let's go camping, shall we?

Photo by Kevin Schmid on Unsplash
Sun is shining. It is warm. We have started to socialize again with small careful steps. I'm taking Nelly Bo to the beach to see her friends for the first time in 8 weeks. Her "Happy Playlist" is playing and she's excited. I'm excited for her.
"You know, Papa and I have been talking a little bit about summer..." I say.
" Yeah..."
"We thought that as our plans have been totally changed, I mean, we will probably be in Switzerland all summer right, we had this idea that we could go camping and explore Switzerland? All together, stop at small lakes, grill hot dogs, hang out and play cards... Isn't that a great idea?"

We're at a traffic light, I turn my head to look at her, she looks at me with a very serious face and simply says:
"No! I've been in isolation with you guys for 8 weeks and the last thing I want is to spend a summer vacation in a camper with you guys. I'm sorry, I love you, don't get me wrong, but no!"

It hits home in an instant and I burst into laughter. The green light goes on.
"Ha ha ha! You are sooo right... I haven't thought of it that way. Silly me... What were we thinking?"

We look at each other and laugh out loud together. Soon we arrive to the beach. She leaves and starts walking down to the water front with the beach bag over her shoulder and her messy pony tail wiggling from side to side...

At her age I was already living alone and working, I drove around in my own car, paid bills and had my own phone line... The last thing on my mind at that age was to go camping with my family. I remember that now. I guess I forgot because I had this romantic view of a camping trip all together, you know, but I realize that is just a fantasy. At least for now. Nelly Bo would LOVE to camping with friends - oh yes! But not with us. No, no, no... too much fun going on in her life right now.

On my way back from the beach I twist and turn my camping trip idea a bit in my mind... Maybe me and Jay should go camping on our own. Rent a small camper and leave the kids home alone for a few days. Hmmm... that actually sounds like a great idea! I better start researching campers for rent...


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Friday, May 15, 2020


This girl of mine. My little one. The last one of the three greatest gifts to my life. She came to us with demands, determination, stubbornness and confidence. With cuteness, laughter, a love for play, creativity, goofing around and with an endless source of imagination. She dares to go against the stream, dares to be different, follows her own path and her own ideas. She's a Peter Pan in a female body: full of adventures and with no desire to ever grow up. If she could, I think she would stay a child forever.

Thirteen. A time of exploration, searching and finding your place in this weird world we live in. To fit in. Or not fit in. One leg in childhood, one leg in young adulthood. Not always rainbows, unicorns, gumdrops and magic fairy dust like it used to be. More of a roller coaster of emotions that can be exhausting, confusing, exciting and scary. All at the same time. For her. And for me.

Yes, I worry, and I feel pain just like she does, and I selfishly want her to stay little forever... she is the last one and I'm really not ready for her to grow into a young adult... not just yet. I don't think  anyone is ready for their kids to grow up and become adults. But I know I have to accept that it is happening, right before my eyes. So I give her space, room to cut loose and try her wings, find her tribe, her way... It is so so hard... So so beautiful. So so painful... so so rewarding...

 At night when I kiss her goodnight she says:
"I love you!"
And I say:
" I love you too."
Then she says:
" I love you more..."
And I know she has won this game we play every night when I say:
" Well, I love you to the moon and back..."
She laughs out loud with that special twinkle in her eye and says:
"But I love you to infinity and beyond!" 
And so we laugh together and feel the love in between us. To infinity and beyond. And I know she'll find her way, that I can do this. And she will do just fine and she will always be my littlest girl, no one can ever change that. Not even years passing by. Happy Birthday my Emmy Bo.

PS Cake is a homemade Swedish princess cake. Make a sponge for three layers. Put vanilla custard and raspberry jam on each layer including raspberry jam on top, cover with thick layer of hard whipped cream. Cover with thin layer of rolled out marzipan. Cut off waste around and tuck edges in. Eat chilled. :)


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