Friday, February 21, 2020

CROCHET CHAT: Patchwork Crochet Blanket Progress

This blanket. A great idea of using up my Tilda yarn stash. With great enthusiasm I started to make granny squares in 2018. The squares were easy. Didn't need much thought. Just relaxing and smooth random color play directly out of the basket. Colored 3-row granny squares mixed up with creamy white squares. Pure bliss! But the joining...

I wanted a snug join. I wanted squares on a bias. It took a while to figure out how to proceed (read more about that here). In the end I sewed strips of squares together with slip stitch and then added one row to another in the same manner. It was incredibly time consuming. My enthusiasm faded and the WiP was put away in the closet. For a loooong time. I just recently took it out as my goal is to finish all my UFOs this year to start fresh with a new crochet journey once I'm done.

When finishing the main piece I had to decide on how to make the border. I was choosing between just adding triangles or making it a bit wider using squares on the bias AND triangles to make a straight edge. I went with the latter and I'm now in the final stage of adding triangles to my border. I'm enjoying it even if the progress is slow. I still need to make a couple of big triangles for the corners, small triangles didn't work...  and then decide on an edging. Any ideas? Simple or lacy? Maybe just a few double crochet rows of colored stripes alternated by creamy white... Shall I use special stitches? Make it wide or narrow?  What would you do?


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Sunday, February 16, 2020

In secret I dream of...

Winter never came. Sun has visit on and off between rain showers, frost and chilly northern winds. On weekends we live in slow motion, sleeping in, wandering around in PJ's until late if not all day. I lack motivation to take on projects that really needs to be done. Like de-cluttering, organizing and getting on top of this home of five. It seems to be my constant whining tune going on repeat, not just now, it's been playing for years... Needless to say, I'm so tired of it. It drags me down into the darkness of stress, frustration, anger, resentment and distress... It really bothers me that I can't just delete this sad blues tune and replace it with a new more upbeat and energizing one.

Instead of taking action I dip into Procrastination Lake, Creamy Coffee Bay, climb Laundry Peak regularly and slowly walk along the long long River Of Excuses and through the endless Mundane Chore Fields. Because these things don't request anything but auto pilot to be done. No extra energy. No extra effort.

I'm overwhelmed with it all, loving my new life as a working woman with great colleagues and the joy of leaving my nest every day to be active elsewhere. However, my status as a stay at home mum and housewife has not really changed in the eyes of my dear ones. At least that's how I feel. They do make efforts to share the work load, but I think the frustration lies within myself more than with the others. I am the one stepping into a new phase of my life and wanting a more minimal, clean and better organized home. Their life just continues with the fact that Mama is not around that much anymore and maybe my favorite hoodie won't be clean on the day I wished it was clean. The house might be cluttered and a bit messy, but teenagers don't seem to care that much about a dirty sink or replacing an empty toilet roll with a new one. Quite the opposite, they seem to thrive in the mess, at least it looks like it if you peek into their own rooms.

In secret I dream of a studio where everything has its place and stays there... where counter tops and shelves are free from clutter and the windows always have a brilliant shine instead of a dull layer of dust when the sun shines in. A place where I'm having my morning tea before diving into an hour of tidy up and not the other way around. I'm sure I would be bored within minutes having it that way, missing the kids' movement and presence, even if they only occasionally show up as ghosts (with earphones in so they won't be up for chitter chatter...) looking for snacks outside their caves.  Reality is I'm not far from that day when the house stands empty. It is sneaking up on me, the kids independence and need to leave the nest. I fear it. It hurts. The thought of them all gone cuts like a knife into my heart. I try to not think about it too much, this phase of parenting is so so hard for me. We still have time to be together. This is nature. I can't fight it, I just got to go with it. Once a mother, always a mother, right?

So I visit Crochet Land, seeking comfort in what once was my life saving passion. Hoping it will save me once more. While adding one block to another on my crochet Patchwork Blanket, I hear the kids crashing into the kitchen around midday, one by one. Rumbling around in the fridge and cupboards for food, cups, plates and cutlery. Pans come out, bread is being cut, coffees are made... and I just know that the sparkling clean kitchen I left after my own breakfast this morning has now transformed into a mine field of breadcrumbs, spilled milk, dirty pans and... you get it.
"Please tidy up after yourself", I call from my place on the sofa next door, but no one hears me. They got earbuds in. And so life goes on.


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Friday, January 24, 2020


I observe. I feel. The cold air is making my cheeks red and tight. The fog is dressing the landscape in a duvet cover. The trees are reaching out towards me like big arms wanting to... hug me! :) No one sees me here. I take some dance steps. I spin around. I take small steps. I take big ones. I jump. And I sing along with my Spotify Exercise Playlist. Loudly. Today is a great day. I love this day. It's a great feeling. I've had so many dark and heavy days in my life. Allowed myself to be sucked into depression and negativity, helplessness and self questioning. I'm not saying it was my own fault. I just think my living organism is extremely sensitive and born to analyze and overthink things. I sometimes think of myself as a snail with not just two tentacles. I have many. So so many. It can be quite exhausting to "over-feel". All. The. Time. It makes you nervous and worried, unsure about yourself and others, delicate to criticism and in fear of conflicts. Minor things becomes grand for me which can create problems as others not necessarily understand my over reaction to things. At the same time I'm proud of my "feels". Because I can really feel every emotion imaginable. At this time in life I'm finally (!!!) starting to understand how to navigate through these feels in a more productive way. They are assets, not enemies. Thinking that way changes everything.

I continue my walk, feeling overly happy for this wonderful day rising before my eyes. I smile and feel strong and light at heart. Changes. A lot of changes are happening. Not just like that on their own. No, I make things happen. I'm in the drivers seat. I'm beginning to like this new landscape I've stepped into in life. The fifties. It doesn't need to be equal with falling apart, muffin waist, feeling sluggish and old and out of control from hormones playing havoc. Or wrinkles, dry skin and painful joints and muscles, lack of sex drive (or need for more...) or boredom. There is no need to just give up and say "My days are over - let the youth take over!". I can be colorful with a twink in my eye. Light with a spring in my step. I can take charge over the pains and aches, body changes and mood swings. I can embrace. I can do that. It's my choice. I do. I chose the new fifty. Because deep inside I will always feel like 24, but now I will be 24 with more wisdom, knowledge and tons of life experiences. That is a winning concept to me. My fifty will be a proud fifty.

The fog stays this morning even after sunrise, but inside I shine. I'm capturing this feeling because it is extremely good. In this moment, right now. It almost makes me cry of happiness. And if I catch this "feel" I have right now, maybe, just maybe, I can go back and look at it one day when it is a bit dark inside to remind myself emotions exists in all of the rainbows colors, dark and light. That is a comforting thought. And so I return home, continue to play loud upbeat music, dance in the shower and feel like I'm on top of the world. This day rocks!

PS 1: Thank you all for your sweet welcome back. I had no idea so many of you were still with me after all this time. So grateful for this community. Xxx

PS 2: When writing this blog, I had to Google "hypersensitivity" and I found this article which makes me wonder why, after all my years with therapy, not once have we spoken about that there is actually something called Highly Sensitive Person? Hmmm. I'm intrigued to find out more.

PS 3: The fog was so deep and the temperature so cold that my camera couldn't really cope with the focusing, so my apologies for blurry photography... at least you get a "feel". ;)


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