Monday, January 11, 2016

Loss...

Today I'm lighting a candle for a dear friend and previous colleague. Last week she abruptly lost her son in an accident. He was in his thirties, fell on the mountain and hit his head. The last thing I heard was that he has donated organs to 4 people or even more.

I don't know exactly what happened but am distraught by the thought of the pain that my friend is going through. The loss of a child is every mother's biggest fear, correct me if I'm wrong. When my thoughts wander there, I quickly cut them off. I don't even want to go there in my mind. I have cried. I have felt helpless. What can I do as a friend, I wonder? What do I say? How can anyone comfort someone in such deep grief?

Today there is a funeral. My other friends will be there. I've chosen to not go. Partly because I have some important obligations but also because I'm not sure I can handle to see a mother fall apart when saying goodbye to her grown up son. I'm a very sensitive person. Emotional. It might be overwhelming to see... I'm scared of what a scenario like that would awaken in me.

My dear friend is a lively woman. Full of laughter, cheekiness and energy. She pretty much laughs all the time. I just hope and pray that she won't loose that ability now when a huge part of her heart is taken away by this terrible accident. Her son grew up with this wonderful woman and I believe that he would want her to continue to spread happiness and joy around her. I hope her light hasn't died with him.

One day I hope she can find comfort in the thought that she gave her son a good life, a good upbringing and lots of love a laughter. Maybe more than the average mother gives. Because of her cheerful personality. He was a lucky boy having her as a mother.

Today I'm lighting a candle for a much beloved man and son, for a family in deep grief and for anyone else who suffers from the pain of loosing someone dear. Lets take a minute and be grateful for all the things we do have in life. Things we should never ever take for granted.


Kärlek
Annette


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26 comments :

  1. I have no words except that I'm very, very sorry to hear of your friends loss. It is so terrible.
    Blessings,
    Betsy

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  2. Our worst nightmare. I will be thinking of your friend today, of the sadness her family will be feeling, and of those four lives he has helped xxx

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  3. Sorry to hear about the loss. It's the biggest grief for a mother. I know what you hope for your mother friend from your heart to remain normal but that is next to impossible for atleast few years for her. I am sure you know it as well.

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  4. What a terrible time for you Annette. A difficult situation. I am sure your friend will have lot of others to support her at the funeral and if she reads your blog she will know how much you care. You are already worrying about how it will affect her and considering how you would feel in her position and it is not good to dwell on such things. It would be bad enough to deal with should it happen, so try not to imagine it and spoil the good times you have now. I am sure that after the funeral she will be glad you are there for her and will understand why you could not attend. x

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  5. Loss of a child is such a horrible thing to deal with. It is okay not to go to the ceremony, your friend will need you far more in the months to come. I wish you both peace my friend.
    Meredith

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  6. I shed tears for this mother and pray she'll have the strength needed to survive this unspeakable tragedy.

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  7. Sim amiga,devemos ser sempre gratos.Que Deus console sua amiga é o meu desejo sincero.Beijo.Valéria.

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  8. How very sad, like you it is my biggest fear if something happened to one of my sons. Sincere condolences to your friend. I hope she can find the strength to get through this awful tragedy. xx

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  9. What a terrible thing to have happened.
    I am sorry to say that I think your friend will never be the same person she was before. My mother isn't. When my brother died it felt like it wasn't just him I lost, I lost my parents as I knew them too. There is nothing you can say to make your friend feel better, acknowledging her loss is enough. Please don't ignore her loss as time passes following the funeral, this was the most hurtful thing to me, that people seemed to think I would get over my brothers death in a matter of weeks or months. You don't have to say anything, simply be there, don't be afraid of her tears or emotions. You sound like a very true and caring friend. Much love xxx

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  10. My gosh that's terrible Annette...but I'm sure your friend understands how hard it is for others to express the right feelings, you just be there when she needs you xxx

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  11. Gosh how awful for your friend, there is so much sadness around at the moment. Thinking of you and your friend, xxxx

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  12. I have been there. My only daughter and her unborn son died 26 years ago today. The only words from which I derived comfort were "I'm sorry". Sounds too simple doesn't it? WE all want to explain ourselves and talk about the departed. Many did that and promised to stay in touch. Life does move on and the blanket of compassion I wrapped around me from my friends was the knowledge that they loved me enough to be honest and just hold me.
    WE all deal with this in our own way. You know your friend better than I, however that is a good starting point.
    Thank you for sharing this difficult time in your life. I am sorry you are hurting also.

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  13. This certainly one of my biggest fears. I have seen my parents, and neighbor go through this and it's awful. Maybe you could wrap up a huge blanket or shawl to send to her as if you are sending her huge hugs.

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  14. I am praying for your friend and for you too Annette <3

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  15. So sad for you and for your friend. All I can say is that when you are with your friend recall happy memories that you have that include her son. My neighbor's police officer son was murdered this year at the age of 25. He is devastated. There is little to nothing that can comfort him. No one knows how your friend will react. Just be there.

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  16. so sorry for your friends loss
    thanx for sharing

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  17. The best thing you can do for your friend is to be there for her and show you care with your simple presence. People in deep grief due to loss of a loved one, are helped by their friends and family who surround them. If you cannot be with her because of your own fears or sensitivity, I'm sure she would appreciate some kind words on a card or in a letter. If you knew her son, talk about him rather than avoid doing so, she will welcome keeping his memory alive as others remember.

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  18. You can always write your thoughts in a letter later. I know from experience that in half a year people think your friend should be back to normal, because they are. Maybe you can be there for her then. She will never forget her son, he is with her every single day. You can always mention her son to her in five years, in ten years. She will be happy that someone still remembers him. I know. From experience. All the best, Regula

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  19. The loss ofr a child is really the biggest fear of a mother. The only thing you can do is to be there for your friend, to listen as long as she needs it and to help her keep her son alive in her and your memories in a positive way.
    Give your friend the time to heal in her way and time.

    Xxx

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  20. I cannot phantom the pain and grief your friend is going through. My sincere condolences to her and her family.

    A friend close to my heart & godfather of my daughter passed away last year. I am struggling daily.

    Your friend will need you and all her other friends & family in the years to come. I wish her strengths and a place to rest her heart.

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  21. I think you are right, it is a mother's biggest fear and something that just shouldn't ever, ever happen. I'm exactly the same, some things are too huge and awful to contemplate and this scenario is one of them. It's somewhere I can't go in my mind. I'm so, so sorry for your poor friend. I don't know how anyone finds a way to move on after something like this but somehow in time I hope she will find some peace again.

    S x

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  22. I am so sorry that you and your friend have to go through this.
    It is a terrible thing. As a mother of five I cannot contemplate losing any one of them.
    I'm sorry to say that I don't think your friend will come through this the same person she has always been. My neighbours lost their daughter in a car accident. None of the family remained the same in the years to come.
    Your friend is going to need you with her in the coming months. To just hold onto her. To simply be in the room with her.

    Let her know she is loved. Let her greive. That is important.xx

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  23. I lost my father and his wife through suicide in January 8 years ago.
    Most of my friends have both their parents in life. My closest friends said "I am sorry for you. I don't know your pain and I can't even imagine how you suffer. I have no experience about tthis. But please tell me. I will be here for you".
    Also, they sometimes ask med about this. And as some have written, it is a warm feeling inside me that they DO care.

    So sorry for the loss and tragedy. But she is blessed to have you!

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  24. Stay in and enjoy the warmth. I was so sorry to read about the tragedy that your friend has endured. When my daughter was in high school, she lost her boyfriend to a terrible car accident. Three local boys died in that car, and one nearly lost his life. I didn't know how we would get through it. How I would help her get through it. In this tragedy, I became extremely close friends with this boys mother. That is where I learned, that no words are needed. Just let them know you are there and hurting along with them. And never, ever, be afraid to talk about her dear son. That is probably the worst. To think that they will be forgotten. I assure you, offering your loving arms in embrace, via a telephone call even, will be the most appreciated thing you can do. I am so sorry to learn of this. It hurts.
    xo Kris

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  25. Phew...... what hardly bigger ... my condolences to the mother, your friend and lovely person .... your words are full of love for your friend ... no comfort to a terrible disgrace... a big hug dear Annette ... your friend has lost a son but is very lucky to have friends like you beside her ... and you can help her in what she need.... have much strength to continue forward ... a big, big, big hug Annette.... I'm so sorry....

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  26. Hi Annette,
    No words can be said to comfort at a time like this. Just be there for your friend, give her care and support when she needs it and ask what you can do for her. Everyone is different in the way they cope with such things, but she will cope and hopefully her sparkle will return in the future when time lessons the grief a little.
    Sending you all my best wishes and a bigger hug than normal
    Julie x

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Thank you so much for visiting my world. I love reading your comments and I do my utterly best to respond to questions and sweet messages. Thank you again for popping by.

Kärlek
Annette

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