The autumn sun. How I love the autumn sun. How it spreads a golden layer over the fields, tree tops, roads and houses. I'm in the car, listening to some gentle tunes from my Chill & Dream playlist. I'm trying to catch the feeling. The bus stops in front of me and lets people off. Young and old, I can't see their faces. They are covered in masks and something inside of me just bursts in that moment... this is so surreal. How did we end up here? I'm not sure if I can take more of... of what? Just everything!
I've had a shitty day. Work at school was extremely busy, loud, challenging. Just a constant running around. Lively kids pushing limits non stop, more than usual. I'm tired. Really really tired...
As if drama at work wouldn't be enough, the drama at home seem to escalate by the day. There is always a drama of some sort. Being a teenage Mum really puts you to the test at times. Small kids, small problems - big kids, big problems you know... It is just more challenging emotionally I find. It's no longer black and white, yes and no... it's a constant grey zone of negotiation, understanding. listening, balancing pros and cons, give and hold back... So, a tear finds its way down my cheek and I decide to not hold back and just let them flow for a minute. Because everything has just piled up throughout the week. It's been a stressful week needless to say. I guess it all had to come out in tears at some point.
I'm not afraid of emotions. I've learned that crying can be a relief, a good way of rinsing yourself from heavy loads of stuff, all kind of stuff. It's like the fogginess of frustration, stress, hurt, pain, helplessness, sadness - whatever it is - evaporates with every tear. Afterwards I always feel more clear in my mind, focused on finding solutions instead of being trapped in negativity. So I cry in the car the last kilometer going back home...
I arrive home, park the car. I don't shout a cheerful "Hello!" as I always do. Instead I go straight upstairs, change work outfit to cozies, woolly socks on. I salute Jay who prepares dinner in the kitchen, grab a beer and go outside to my bench, sit myself down, feet on the table. I can see the French Alps sticking up behind the bee hive church. It feels great to just sit there while the sun goes down, watching Jay by the stove inside in the kitchen. I drink my beer in silence, let thoughts flow and after a while I feel ready to go back in and take part of family life inside. A family life I do treasure and love deeply. Including all the good, bad and the ugly. I wouldn't want it any other way. My family is my everything.
Kärlek
Annette
Annette
FOLLOW My Rose Valley HERE:
That's just what I thought a several times this week: how did this happen?? How did we end up here??
ReplyDeleteIt's fine that you have your garden to sit in and relax. Luckily we also have a garden. And surroundings to enjoy a walk a day to let the thoughts wander around.
Dear Annette,
ReplyDeleteI haven't ever posted that I can remember, but you are so right about crying. It can feel like life is strangling the air out of you sometimes, and like you i find that crying is like a pressure valve that we all need to undo at times. You have a beautiful family and home, and people that care about your well being...you are like many of us doing so well with this world pandemic, but it hits us all every now and again, so we just have to take time out, breath, and enjoy the beauty within xx
Thank goodness that you can release the pent-up emotion rather than bottle everything up.
ReplyDeleteHi, just found your blog in the last week and want to say what a cosy, colourful, homely place you've created. You've also inspired me to (hopefully!) plant dahlias in my garden next summer. I've been seeing those beautiful pom pom flowers for ages but never knew their name as I'm new to gardening. Now I know!
ReplyDeleteAlso I feel this post resonates with many at the moment, myself included. I'm definitely going through an overwhelmed/crying period but will hopefully come out of it soon with some rest and a new knitting project. Take care x
Sometimes you have to put yourself first. Not shout that cheery 'Hello' when you get home. Go outside and drink the beer. I don't cry much - not because I don't feel it, but because it gives me a headache and I feel physically worse after. But I do accept and acknowledge my emotions. I am perimenopausal, as well as being quite an emotional person, so I feel a lot! Glad you have that gorgeous view to relax in front of!
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