I'm struggling. I'm in a place I never thought I would be in. I'm a long term unemployed person and it feels like I have no skills, no talents and nothing to offer the work market. I simply feel useless and absolutely washed out. Invisible and unwanted. I guess I'm good enough for loading the dishwasher and running the vacuum around the house but that is it. Is it?
Those are hard words, I know, but today this is true to me. Tomorrow might be different. I might rock tomorrow, but today I feel like a nobody. Today I feel like a looser and a failure and so be it. Let me cry and let me perform the highest performance of self pity for a moment. I'm allowed... like the kids' say...
I was a stay at home Mum for many years. Looking back, I would say I was blessed to be able to stay at home with my kids for so long as 9 years. But being Swedish and brought up in a culture of equality between men and women, I grew up becoming a working woman from age 16. I never even questioned it. Because this is what you do in Sweden. Women work. A lot. We have child care and social services making it possible for women to take part of work life and gain independence. We are expected to perform in the work arena. People would frown upon someone being a house wife. I was always a woman of independence. Driven, brave, focused. I made every profession I wanted to try out reality, no matter what. That was up until I got married and had kids.
I through myself into motherhood. And without knowing it, I lost my professional me. Now I find myself trapped with a big blank gap in my CV... Employers say I am to old or that I don't have enough high educating University diplomas... Which is true. I am not an academic. I never went to University, but my life is a big adventure of different industries and work titles, worldwide living experiences and crossings of different countries, cultures and languages... I am a humanist, a simple person with a mediocre education and high work ethic, but I guess no one wants that here in Switzerland, a country who strives for perfection...
So today I'm a bit low. I struggle with my self esteem while surfing job adverts and customizing my CV, only knowing - if not expecting - it will be rejected once again... Life abroad can be hard. Today I wish I lived in Sweden and I would for sure have a job. Any job. Because there I know how the work market functions. I speak the language and I know my way around, but here... It is hard.