Wednesday, April 9, 2014
When Blogging v. Life becomes a fight
This is supposed to be my happy place. My Rose Valley. The place where I get creative and find peace within my artistic soul. A place where I share, teach and learn and focus on my happy moments in life, the silver lining. The cherry on top. The sugar sprinkles on the cinnamon bun. All the glimpses of good behind all the piles of chores and everyday routines, hard work, organizing, fights, problem solving, responsibilities, serving and teaching.
This is supposed to be the place where I can breathe, close my eyes and escape. Where I can dream and create the life the way I want it to be - full of color therapy, crochet stitches, designs, sunshine, laughter, pretty flowers, cheerful moments, satisfaction. But today I find myself trapped and frustrated. Sad and angry. Today my happy place is a whining overwhelmed blog post from a woman in her 40's who wants more time. More structure. Less picking up Lego pieces and more time to do her happy things. She needs to stop playing catch up. She needs an efficient infrastructure of her life. She needs more time. That woman is, yes you guessed it - me!
I am not great at time management. Ask anyone and they will tell you I am always at least 5 minutes late for everything. I love to write lists, but list writing is more a way to let go of all the ideas, thoughts, musts and "Don't forget" in my head than to actually tick them off one by one. I procrastinate a lot. I mean A LOT. Changing a light bulb can take weeks if not months. And once it is done I wonder why I didn't do it a long time ago instead of having it simmering in the back of my head like a thorn in my side hurting me, stressing me, constantly reminding me. Like getting rubbed on a soar spot over and over again...
Is this a typical female thing I wonder... This thing of taking on ALL the small things that needs to be done (making appointments, buying gifts, sending cards, calling people, organizing closets, cleaning wardrobes, fixing ripped clothes, making sure all school papers are read and signed, that the flowers are watered, that the left overs are eaten or thrown out, that the bills are paid, that Uncle George is congratulated, that we never run out of milk or mustard or God forbid the important odd ingredient Sesame oil (!!!), that everyone is happy...), in our heads just to become totally overwhelmed one day and burst. Like a computer with its memory full - BEEP! You push that last save, ignoring the warning button, and BOOM! The computer crashes.
So I need time. I am not kidding when I say I need at least an 8 day week or a 30 hour day. My 24 hours are not enough. Or, more realistic, I have to many things going on in my life. I need to de-clutter my tasks, my obligations, my chores, my responsibilities, my brain. But where shall I start? How shall I prioritize? What has to go? What can stay?
I am up to a big challenge. My Rose Valley time might have to be cut. Although that is the last thing I want to do. but what do you do in a situation like this when you have to make painful choices. I so wish I could do this every day instead of sitting in a boring office. I so wish I could design one pattern after another if it wasn't for the big spring clean, birthday month, Easter break, starting the garden month... So today I am a bit of a whiner and maybe I just need to let the steam out to be able to move on. Tomorrow is another day.
Today my tulips are blossoming. They are gorgeous. And soon the Wisteria will be in full bloom too at the front of my house. And I am preparing crochet class for tomorrow on the theme Making Flowers which I am soooo looking forward to. And my home looks like a war field including spiders, dust bunnies and mixed and mis-matched stuff in every drawer and basket, corner and step and surface... Maybe I should just take a month off everything and catch up? Would that help I wonder... If I find a magic solution I promise to let you know.
PS 1: This whining blog post is an exception. 99% of the time this is a happy place still. In case anyone thought they had come to a whiny place... :D
PS 2: I'm only human if anyone wondered...