I partied, made foolish stuff and faced difficult situations and people. But I was never in danger. I never got hooked on drugs or alcohol, developed bulimia or anorexia. Had abusive boy friends or ended up in violent relationships. I just did normal stuff. You know.
I worked, got myself a flat but never dared to drill into the walls. I had laundry time on Thursday evenings and went to the gym regularly and grabbed an after work beer on Friday nights with my girl friends downtown Stockholm city. I tried different professions and always did my best. Put my mind to whatever I wanted to achieve and achieved it. But one day I wanted to jump off the "normal" life and I quit my job - at the top of my current career - and went traveling for adventure and clarity.
I met a man who was totally different from any other man I had known and we got married. I left my home country, my language, my culture and my roots. It was easy at the time. It felt so right. After years of drifting it felt like coming home although it was in a foreign world. Maybe this part wasn't really normal stuff, you know, but it felt so normal at the time.
I had children, I raised my children and gave up my own being in the process. I became a full on Mama on every level. Their needs before my own. I was riding faaaar back on the priority train... In the luggage wagon actually... It was my call, my purpose, everything I wanted. Not very comfortable or fulfilling, kind of hard but still so so wonderful. Just normal stuff. You know.
Now the kids are older, more independent and in less need of me, unless they need a ride or some cash. And I'm a full on Mama who is trying to find her way back to that woman she once was, before all these things happened. Or, let me re-phrase that... I'm trying to figure out who Annette is today, AFTER all these things happened... Because I'm not the same, I'm different. And I truly feel a bit lost. I'm in the middle of a mid life crises, questioning where I am, what I've done and where I'm going. Reflecting upon choices I've made, or not made and choices I will be making or not make. If you ask some of my friends they would say I'm always in crisis of some sort... I guess that is partly true. And there is nothing wrong or bad in that. Quite the opposite, it's a sign of growth. Learning. Discovery. Embrace crisis, reflection, striving for answers and directions, purposes and meaning. Go with it. After all it is just normal stuff. You know.
PS Bless Prince Harry for finally allowing himself to express his thoughts and feelings so openly in public, lifting that lid off expected royal perfection and showing people that he is only human like the rest of us. Being royal or not, it was never his choice to be brought to the world as a prince, it just kind of happened, and his life is filled with as much "just normal stuff" like yours and mine. No one has the right to tell him to not talk openly about it. Not in 2017.
Kärlek
Annette
FOLLOW MY ROSE VALLEY HERE:
I loved this post Annette, I think a lot of mums go through these feelings. It is the start of a new adventure maybe, and I hope you find a path that makes you happy and satisfied. Where do you want to be in five years? In ten years? I'm wishing you every happiness and success. CJ xx
ReplyDeleteI'm loving your blogs at the moment. I was sadly anticipating losing you and yet here you are posting more than I remember...... and I'm loving it! Thoughtful, touching, relatable and colourful always. Bless you!
ReplyDeleteI have a similar background to you. Happy childhood, university, went abroad and fell in love, move abroad with my hubby, had kids, put my all into it, now they are older and I don't see them much except at dinner. Most of my life is still lived fire-fighting, coping with all the small crises of life, one after the other. I wonder if one day I will say 'Where did it all go?'. I think for me crafting helps centre me, helps me breathe and enjoy the moment. I don't know where I am going, but I can know where I am right now.
ReplyDeleteHi Annette, love what you have just put into words, I so relate to it, I am 54, married, four kids, and still going through what you have described, sometimes people ask me what is happening to me, and I answer that they are getting to know the real me, it feels confusing and liberating at the same time, good luck, Sue xxx
ReplyDeleteLoved this. Thank you for sharing. Keep going. It takes a lifetime to be a human being.
ReplyDeleteYours is such a great blog , i love it when My Rose Valley pops up on my blog feed. You will be fine. A mothers role is always changing and evolving and then suddenly you are a grandmother and it all starts again, but better in a way, you get to do all of the good things with your grandchildren with less responsibility. Good luck in all that you do, i know you will do it well.
ReplyDeleteAh such an exciting time!!Enjoy the possibilities:)!!!
ReplyDeleteFeeling the same. My boys are 18 and 15. Oldest is heading to college in September. Not needed as much....such a strange feeling. Thank you for sharing. It is good to know we are not alone with these similar thoughts and feelings ��
ReplyDeleteThank you Annette.
ReplyDeleteI love your blog and your recent posts.
Love your frankness and allowing us a peep in your world and your thoughts.
Did you ever consider writing as a profession? Or am I asking a silly question now, for perhaps that was just the career you left in the past? No matter, I wish you all the luck and happiness. I do hope you wiil find your true self back. Your musings ring somehow a bell of recognition you know. Love, Diana (Netherlands)
Very well written Annette. It is just normal stuff, and many Mums go through it; kids are grown, or almost, and suddenly you're you again, and who is that? Where did you go?
ReplyDeleteMy kids came early in my life, career came later, and now for me - being a Grandparent of one, and another imminently - is a whole new dimension to my life :)
Embrace, explore and breathe through the changes. You got this!
I would not call it a crisis - I would call it: beeing aware of changing of seasons in live. Motherhood is a livelong experience, but it has so many forms - and now your closest relationships (those with your children) grow into something different - into friendship. I have worked with mothers for many years and had the privilege to be on theire side during this vulnerable time. It was the most satisfying job I ever had. Enjoy the journey -
ReplyDeleteI always say I went to sleep aged 25 and woke up aged 54. Children! The years pass and you're so busy that you don't notice until one day...
ReplyDeleteSo agree with your comment about Prince Harry. He's just a human being trying to make sense of his world just as everybody else is. Why shouldn't he comment on how he feels about things?
As a mother of a child who did develop anorexia, I am glad you were "normal" but neither is my child abnormal for falling down with this illness. I am saddened that you would consider my precious daughter as less than "normal" my daughter was and still is loved and precious and a wonderful and now happy and fulfilled human being who has studied hard and now practises as a speech pathologist.......someone who would assist a lot of others in need. I know you didn't mean to cause offense.......but people with eating disorders are just as normal as anyone else, and they may be the next person to step up and help you and your family when you need help.
ReplyDeleteI loved this post. I am through to the other side of where you are now (and beyond!), as my youngest child is now in his 30s. I had to restart my life when the baby went to college and I wondered who I was!
ReplyDeleteI have spent the last 17 years working in schools as a counsellor, and have just had to retire due to ill-health, so I'm back making decisions about where next?
I think you are right to start looking at how your life should evolve now, and to look at your needs as a separate person from being a parent. I'm finding that my knitting helps me to think.During the last 17 years I have developed separate interests and friendships, so that I am now able to meet up with friends of all different ages, who are just getting married, or new parents right up to a friend in her late 80s. These relationships make life so much more interesting than when I was in the treadmill of providing for my children's needs first and foremost.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do, but please keep on blogging! I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Milestones, they don't stop once we are adults. Mine at the moment is an almost empty nester, I too was in full on mom zone while my girls grew to adults, which happened way too fast. Good luck to us all!x
ReplyDeleteHeyyy Annette, well written... loved the sentence.. 'Its a sign of growth'.. absolutely.. so much positive you are.. I am also in the mid of few crisis.. unable to find the solutions and answers.. sometimes we feel that we have reach to dead end.. no left turn no right turn.. AND we reach to such a beautiful post.. full of positivity.. this one single line changed my whole day.. thank you so much.. now I can deal easily with. Thanks and regards. Uma
ReplyDeleteI am ahead of you :-), like you I left my country, my roots, my language, married a man and had children in another country - it wasn't always easy, but never had any regrets :-). When even my youngest left home, for a while I seemed to had lost my purpose. We decided to move from London to the country, found new jobs, bought a "project", an old neglected house and a garden which wanted to be loved again. That was my way, you will find yours too, trust me, you will be fine :-) We are retired now, living back in a town, lucky to have grandchildren close, to know them well. Life goes on... :-)
ReplyDeletexx
I think all of us Mums are at the crossroads as our kids get older. I know I am. I am lucky that I was able to go back to a job and career I love after spending my children's early years at home. I feel far more exhausted for working, but I also feel like I contribute and make a little ones life better for helping them developmentally. I struggle with Motherhood as my kids get older. I have a 23 year old and the challenges of that relationship are different as I often don't know how to be his Mom, it is different as they age. Where am I in his life? I guess being a MOther changes and I never know where I belong in that category now and that really throw me. Did any of that make sense?
ReplyDeleteAll the photos of rose looking Beautiful and fantastic . This is really a unique and wonderful blog. I am so glad to see this. Thanks for sharing this with us. Keep posting like this.
ReplyDeleteAh such is life.....always changing always challenging. Hang in there, I too have had similar feelings. The old you is still there not lost. Your children's needs change but they need you just the same. Hold on tight and this feeling will pass and your role will become apparent.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your life with us. I will miss you when you decide to go but wish you well. x
Hi there! I could have sworn I’ve visited your blog before but after looking at many of the articles I realized it’s new to me. Regardless, I’m definitely delighted I stumbled upon it and I’ll be bookmarking it and checking back regularly! Foodies Pie Festival Max
ReplyDeleteI love the beauty and colour of your photos, whether they be of crochet or flowers or food. I'll happily follow along on Instagram.
ReplyDeleteCheers - Joolz xx
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete