Wednesday, March 28, 2018

PhD in Teenage Motherhood anyone?

It isn't always easy to be a teenager. Nelly Bo is not an exception. No, I would say she might be rather the opposite. She is deep into it. A little too smart for her age and a big, deep thinker... There is the thing of finding your identity, finding the right bunch of friends, how to handle relationships, how social interaction works, body image issues, boys, girls, siblings, parents, life, parties, music, alcohol, independence, sex, future, past, where do I come from, growing up, menstruation, pimples, fashion, image and of course SCHOOL and what am I gonna be when I grow up? I mean this is only the tip of the iceberg right?

Being a teenage mother forces me to pull out every inch of understanding, patience, goodness, tough love, empathy, youth, maturity, clear communication skills, just enough control and at the same time the ability to let go, an open mind, listening and not interfering, interfering and taking action. Handling the quick swinging motions between emotional break downs and euphoric laugh attacks. It is exhausting. And often I feel helpless, hopeless, unsure and confused. Teenage parenting is super fast one second and slow the next. Decisions are made in an instant, there are no preparation for what is coming next. Or not. It just happens. Right there and then. And it needs to be dealt with. Right there and then.

I find it to be so true when people say: "Small children - small problems, big children - big problems". (Although I would like to swap the "problems" to "challenges". It just sounds better...) Because small children requires our care and nurturing that comes natural for us. We just need to meet basic needs. With bigger children we suddenly have to start to discuss, explain, negotiate and guide which takes so much more effort. What do you say to a 16 year old who wonders what the purpose of life is? I mean THAT is a deep conversation to have right? Compared to "Mama, boh boh on my arm. Uuuueeehhhh!!! Can you kiss the pain away???"

Anyway. I'm loving every minute of it. Or actually that is a lie. Let me re-phrase that. With a helicopter view I'm loving every minute of it. When zooming in on this particular phase of parenthood I'm wondering if I can really pull this off? I mean, don't you need a PhD in Teenage Motherhood to do this right? I don't know, I feel a bit lost, like I'm out on deep water where my feet can't touch the ground anymore... Hopefully I will find my way back into shore... And hopefully she will be there safe and sound right next to me. No one makes me laugh harder then her. Love her to the moon and back. Of course.


Kärlek
Annette


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13 comments :

  1. From your awareness it seems you are doing a fantastic job. Those young people, with their hormones changing every single second have such a hard time. Especially in the world we live in now with all that social media in their faces all the time. Just love her Annette, you will both get through this.

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  2. Adorei quando você diz trocar problemas por desafios...
    Tenho duas filha, Barbara com 20 anos e Juliana com 15 anos, grandes desafios... KKKKK.
    Muitas felicidades para vocês.
    Um abraço.

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  3. Spot on! I've got an 18 and 16 year old. I thought the younger years were hard......until the teenage years came. I like your rephrase of bigger kids, bigger challenges. It somehow seems more positive. Thank you for writing such a lovely spot on post.

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    1. Hi Lisa
      Thank you for popping in. And yes, I thought challenge sounded more positive and we need positive when parenting teenagers... It is already so much negativity around it as it is, right?
      Xxx

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  4. I have a teenage son, and I find it a real challenge! When they were small, it was much more immediate and constant, but really, they were just little things. I find the teenage challenges to be a little further between but so, so important. If I am honest with myself, I am not enjoying the teenage years. I love my son so much, but it is so hard to let go, while still holding on. I think we all feel this way. I truly believe that as long as you keep a connection between the two of you and love them, you will be ok.

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    1. Hodling on... letting go... the biggest challenge of all. I suffer. I cry. It is hard. You can do it. I can do it. We all can do it. One step at the time and with an open mind I think we'll get there. Thanks for sharing.
      Xxx

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  5. My daughter's are 28 and 24 and lovely young women to spend time with and you will get there! If I learned anything in the teenage years (but it's so hard to see at the time) is don't sweat the small stuff. They are under so much pressure now in school they need to feel in control of other parts of life and have down time. I thought keeping them busy was important, but now I'm not so sure.

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    1. Hi Vicki
      A friend of mine said that when the kids are out and about and around 20 you're in phase 6 of parenthood. This is the time when they suddenly, after years of reinforcing distance (Because parents are just annoying and I want to be independent and I already know everything), your children are coming back to you with an undertsanding an dappreciation of you as a parent but in an adult manner. The threat is gone and you can start to "hang out". I'm looking forward to that. And thanks for your tips on the small stuff. It is so easy to get snowed in on small stuff but choosing our battles and focusing on things that matter is probably an easier way to go. So hard... keep them active or not... just staying in touch and have a communication... if I can manage that without pushing them away I think I will succeed. Thanks for sharing.
      Xxx

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  6. Oh it's tricky isn't it. My eldest is 14. Laughter and fury. And everything in between. We'll get there. Won't we? CJ xx

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    1. Absolutely! Lets hold hands as we go. We could need all support we can find in this path of life.
      Xxx

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  7. My boys are 15 and 17 yrs (18 Early April). I agree with all you've said, hard work but also fun. It's funny, even though they're no longer children, they still like to know - when I'm home or glad that I'm in. They don't want you but need to know you're there. Sometimes the oldest one drives me to absolute distraction. I often think it's because he's unwilling to do it exactly like it should be. Still, things still get done, sort of, on his terms. One day... Cathy x

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  8. An interesting post for me - my girls are 8 and 10 and I know it will change one day so I make especially sure I don't get bogged down with petty arguments now. I loved your post and your selfie photo. Jo x

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Thank you so much for visiting my world. I love reading your comments and I do my utterly best to respond to questions and sweet messages. Thank you again for popping by.

Kärlek
Annette

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