Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Letting go


Once upon a time a little girl was born. She was the most magical thing that had ever happened to me. Many years has past and that little baby girl grew up. And this last weekend she took a big step out of her nest and the safety of home. She stayed at home alone for the weekend while the rest of us went to Gstaad to go skiing.

Yes, I know. Scary. Is she ready? Am I??? We talked about it on Thursday and I said:

"Well, do you have anyone sleeping over to keep you company?"
"No. No one is allowed. All parents have said no as we would be alone..." 
"Okay... Have you arranged to sleep over at a friend's house so you don't have to be alone at night then?
"Well, on Saturday I will sleep over at Oreane's house as I'm going there for her birthday sleep over party, but tomorrow night I just want to stay here. I don't like sleeping at other people's houses."
" Okay... And you would be cool with that? Sleeping all alone in the house? With no one here?" 
" Of course!" 
" Well, it is not so "of course" as only two years ago you wouldn't sleep on your own because you always were scared, you remember?"

Secretly I'm thinking that now she will get it, the coin will drop and she will maybe admit that she is not so sure about staying at home alone after all... And that is okay. She is still a child. But I'm soon to be proven wrong.

My 14 year old daughter looks at me and straightens her back, like she wants to grow a little bit taller than the already 169 cm she has, just 1 cm shorter than myself. She looks me steadily in the eyes and looks very mature when saying:

"Well, two years ago I was 12. Now I am 14 going 15. I'm turning 15 this year Mama! And I can do it. I'm not afraid. I got the cats. I'll look the door. I'll heat up left overs for dinner. I will be fine. I promise. I'm actually excited about this. A little bit nervous maybe but mostly excited. Because this is me growing up Mama. I'm not a little girl anymore."

I feel a big lump in my throat and chest. Okay... She is going 15 this year. How on earth did that happen? My girl stands there in the kitchen and smiles in the way that says: "Mama there are many things about me you don't know..." and suddenly tears rolls down my cheeks. Not because I'm sad, more because of the fact that she is right. And she is ready to explore, leave the nest, walk out on that exciting branch that wobbles more and more the farther out you get, to spy out over the other tree tops and the whole world at her feet and eventually one day she will take off, spreading her wings out wide and fly. And I'm the one who will be home alone and I'm the one who is scared... I'm the one who has to let go of that beautiful child that turned my world upside down almost 15 years ago. I wipe my tears off, she smiles and hugs me tight.We giggle a bit.

"Mama. I'm ready for this. Are you?"
She knows me too well my baby girl.





Kärlek
Annette


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16 comments :

  1. Oh, oh......been there and will have to a few times yet. :-/

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  2. Oh oh....I recognize all you wrote. And it takes a few years to get used to it.
    But you do the best you can, and that's all that matters.

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  3. Brings a tear to my eye, for I've bridge that milestone with one of mine already and know I must go through it again shortly with the other. That's part of our job(the hardest part I think, letting go.) but it's bittersweet all the same. We just have to enjoy the time we have left before they are gone for good.

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  4. This brought tears to my eyes too! My eldest daughter is also 14 nearly 15 and it is so hard letting go. What an amazing gift you gave your girl allowing her to show that she is very capable of being alone. You are a brave and wise Mama.

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  5. So bittersweet when your children grow up and do not need you anymore. All part of the circle of life.

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  6. Little girls are growing up faster than their mothers. We mothers want to protect our daughter their whole live if that was possible. Think possitive and give her the necessary support for this big step in her life.

    Deer greetings, Margaret

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  7. Such a big step! She sounds very mature and that she though the entire thing through. Good for her! I've been through it with all of ours and now have an empty nest. I'm afraid it doesn't get easier with each child, for me the last was the hardest. Smile Mama.
    Blessings,
    Betsy

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  8. Oh that is a big, big step for a Mama! the first child growing up like that is the hardest, of course. There is a certain part of you that feels that "tug" as your child grows up and starts growing out of the 'nest'!
    I had to go through it four times...and my children, though now grown and with growing families of their own are still close and very much a part of this Momma's heart! That connection will always be there, so fear not. They will grow - and even leave that comfy nest. But those connections to Momma's heart are always there - and still just as warming!

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  9. I understand this with so much going out there in the world that we can't help be protective and are loathe to let our babes take a couple steps ahead of us. My tween (11 year old) is already asking if I can leave her and her 8 year old sister at home for a bit. Right now, heck no; it makes me nervous.

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  10. A big step for you both but all part of your offspring growing up. It is so hard letting go but there comes a time when we as parents have to do that. I hope her first experience of being home alone goes well for her. xx

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  11. I'm already afraid for that moment to come. My daughter is now 10 years old and I can't imagine what it will be like. So a big hug for you, she'll do fine, and I hope your husband will be comforting you that weekend! Treat yourself on something to cheer yourself up... maybe some new yarn will do? :-)
    Sigrid

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  12. ahh what a lovely way to share the moment. You Should be very proud of not just your daughter but the way you have brought her up, to be such a confident and wise person. Congratulations x

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  13. lovely! i almost cried myself
    all mine have flown the nest & i miss them them terribly but they are only a few hours away & i can ring almost anytime to chat.
    know how it feels
    sounds like you both have an amazing bond, you should be proud. she sounds very special.
    thanx for sharing this very special moment

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  14. Annette ... you always explains things so wonderfully well of your children that I too tears falling down my cheeks ... I also have fear and my daughter still has only four years .... I can not think day that it will extend its wings ... Your child has become a beautiful little girl! and she loves you. And you're a great mother. I'm sure she will remember all your good advices you've given him during those 15 years. There is so much love in everything you write! A big hug, my dear Annette ....
    I hope that you have a good weekend and everything is fine when you meet again with your lovely daughter ...! kisses from Catalonia!

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  15. Bravo to your brave girl. It is not so easy when they grow up is it? I always wish I could freeze them a bit younger, but there is a beauty in watching who they turn out to be.
    Hugs,
    Meredith

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  16. Oh my goodness, I've got a lump in my throat too! Oh your girl is just a wonder isn't she? I'm not sure I have any other words to say other then I feel what you are saying, so clearly!!

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Thank you so much for visiting my world. I love reading your comments and I do my utterly best to respond to questions and sweet messages. Thank you again for popping by.

Kärlek
Annette

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