Yes, I know. Scary. Is she ready? Am I??? We talked about it on Thursday and I said:
"Well, do you have anyone sleeping over to keep you company?"
"No. No one is allowed. All parents have said no as we would be alone..."
"Okay... Have you arranged to sleep over at a friend's house so you don't have to be alone at night then?
"Well, on Saturday I will sleep over at Oreane's house as I'm going there for her birthday sleep over party, but tomorrow night I just want to stay here. I don't like sleeping at other people's houses."
" Okay... And you would be cool with that? Sleeping all alone in the house? With no one here?"
" Of course!"
" Well, it is not so "of course" as only two years ago you wouldn't sleep on your own because you always were scared, you remember?"
Secretly I'm thinking that now she will get it, the coin will drop and she will maybe admit that she is not so sure about staying at home alone after all... And that is okay. She is still a child. But I'm soon to be proven wrong.
My 14 year old daughter looks at me and straightens her back, like she wants to grow a little bit taller than the already 169 cm she has, just 1 cm shorter than myself. She looks me steadily in the eyes and looks very mature when saying:
"Well, two years ago I was 12. Now I am 14 going 15. I'm turning 15 this year Mama! And I can do it. I'm not afraid. I got the cats. I'll look the door. I'll heat up left overs for dinner. I will be fine. I promise. I'm actually excited about this. A little bit nervous maybe but mostly excited. Because this is me growing up Mama. I'm not a little girl anymore."
I feel a big lump in my throat and chest. Okay... She is going 15 this year. How on earth did that happen? My girl stands there in the kitchen and smiles in the way that says: "Mama there are many things about me you don't know..." and suddenly tears rolls down my cheeks. Not because I'm sad, more because of the fact that she is right. And she is ready to explore, leave the nest, walk out on that exciting branch that wobbles more and more the farther out you get, to spy out over the other tree tops and the whole world at her feet and eventually one day she will take off, spreading her wings out wide and fly. And I'm the one who will be home alone and I'm the one who is scared... I'm the one who has to let go of that beautiful child that turned my world upside down almost 15 years ago. I wipe my tears off, she smiles and hugs me tight.We giggle a bit.
"Mama. I'm ready for this. Are you?"
She knows me too well my baby girl.