Feels

I observe. I feel. The cold air is making my cheeks red and tight. The fog is dressing the landscape in a duvet cover. The trees are reaching out towards me like big arms wanting to... hug me! :) No one sees me here. I take some dance steps. I spin around. I take small steps. I take big ones. I jump. And I sing along with my Spotify Exercise Playlist. Loudly. Today is a great day. I love this day. It's a great feeling. I've had so many dark and heavy days in my life. Allowed myself to be sucked into depression and negativity, helplessness and self questioning. I'm not saying it was my own fault. I just think my living organism is extremely sensitive and born to analyze and overthink things. I sometimes think of myself as a snail with not just two tentacles. I have many. So so many. It can be quite exhausting to "over-feel". All. The. Time. It makes you nervous and worried, unsure about yourself and others, delicate to criticism and in fear of conflicts. Minor things becomes grand for me which can create problems as others not necessarily understand my over reaction to things. At the same time I'm proud of my "feels". Because I can really feel every emotion imaginable. At this time in life I'm finally (!!!) starting to understand how to navigate through these feels in a more productive way. They are assets, not enemies. Thinking that way changes everything.

I continue my walk, feeling overly happy for this wonderful day rising before my eyes. I smile and feel strong and light at heart. Changes. A lot of changes are happening. Not just like that on their own. No, I make things happen. I'm in the drivers seat. I'm beginning to like this new landscape I've stepped into in life. The fifties. It doesn't need to be equal with falling apart, muffin waist, feeling sluggish and old and out of control from hormones playing havoc. Or wrinkles, dry skin and painful joints and muscles, lack of sex drive (or need for more...) or boredom. There is no need to just give up and say "My days are over - let the youth take over!". I can be colorful with a twink in my eye. Light with a spring in my step. I can take charge over the pains and aches, body changes and mood swings. I can embrace. I can do that. It's my choice. I do. I chose the new fifty. Because deep inside I will always feel like 24, but now I will be 24 with more wisdom, knowledge and tons of life experiences. That is a winning concept to me. My fifty will be a proud fifty.

The fog stays this morning even after sunrise, but inside I shine. I'm capturing this feeling because it is extremely good. In this moment, right now. It almost makes me cry of happiness. And if I catch this "feel" I have right now, maybe, just maybe, I can go back and look at it one day when it is a bit dark inside to remind myself emotions exists in all of the rainbows colors, dark and light. That is a comforting thought. And so I return home, continue to play loud upbeat music, dance in the shower and feel like I'm on top of the world. This day rocks!

PS 1: Thank you all for your sweet welcome back. I had no idea so many of you were still with me after all this time. So grateful for this community. Xxx

PS 2: When writing this blog, I had to Google "hypersensitivity" and I found this article which makes me wonder why, after all my years with therapy, not once have we spoken about that there is actually something called Highly Sensitive Person? Hmmm. I'm intrigued to find out more.

PS 3: The fog was so deep and the temperature so cold that my camera couldn't really cope with the focusing, so my apologies for blurry photography... at least you get a "feel". ;)

Kärlek
Annette

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