Friday, January 24, 2020

Feels










I observe. I feel. The cold air is making my cheeks red and tight. The fog is dressing the landscape in a duvet cover. The trees are reaching out towards me like big arms wanting to... hug me! :) No one sees me here. I take some dance steps. I spin around. I take small steps. I take big ones. I jump. And I sing along with my Spotify Exercise Playlist. Loudly. Today is a great day. I love this day. It's a great feeling. I've had so many dark and heavy days in my life. Allowed myself to be sucked into depression and negativity, helplessness and self questioning. I'm not saying it was my own fault. I just think my living organism is extremely sensitive and born to analyze and overthink things. I sometimes think of myself as a snail with not just two tentacles. I have many. So so many. It can be quite exhausting to "over-feel". All. The. Time. It makes you nervous and worried, unsure about yourself and others, delicate to criticism and in fear of conflicts. Minor things becomes grand for me which can create problems as others not necessarily understand my over reaction to things. At the same time I'm proud of my "feels". Because I can really feel every emotion imaginable. At this time in life I'm finally (!!!) starting to understand how to navigate through these feels in a more productive way. They are assets, not enemies. Thinking that way changes everything.

I continue my walk, feeling overly happy for this wonderful day rising before my eyes. I smile and feel strong and light at heart. Changes. A lot of changes are happening. Not just like that on their own. No, I make things happen. I'm in the drivers seat. I'm beginning to like this new landscape I've stepped into in life. The fifties. It doesn't need to be equal with falling apart, muffin waist, feeling sluggish and old and out of control from hormones playing havoc. Or wrinkles, dry skin and painful joints and muscles, lack of sex drive (or need for more...) or boredom. There is no need to just give up and say "My days are over - let the youth take over!". I can be colorful with a twink in my eye. Light with a spring in my step. I can take charge over the pains and aches, body changes and mood swings. I can embrace. I can do that. It's my choice. I do. I chose the new fifty. Because deep inside I will always feel like 24, but now I will be 24 with more wisdom, knowledge and tons of life experiences. That is a winning concept to me. My fifty will be a proud fifty.

The fog stays this morning even after sunrise, but inside I shine. I'm capturing this feeling because it is extremely good. In this moment, right now. It almost makes me cry of happiness. And if I catch this "feel" I have right now, maybe, just maybe, I can go back and look at it one day when it is a bit dark inside to remind myself emotions exists in all of the rainbows colors, dark and light. That is a comforting thought. And so I return home, continue to play loud upbeat music, dance in the shower and feel like I'm on top of the world. This day rocks!

PS 1: Thank you all for your sweet welcome back. I had no idea so many of you were still with me after all this time. So grateful for this community. Xxx

PS 2: When writing this blog, I had to Google "hypersensitivity" and I found this article which makes me wonder why, after all my years with therapy, not once have we spoken about that there is actually something called Highly Sensitive Person? Hmmm. I'm intrigued to find out more.

PS 3: The fog was so deep and the temperature so cold that my camera couldn't really cope with the focusing, so my apologies for blurry photography... at least you get a "feel". ;)




Kärlek
Annette


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20 comments :

  1. So much of what you say chimes with me. I have days of feeling that everything is BRILLIANT and I always try and capture a bit of it, and remember what it's like, for less brilliant days. I think I feel a lot too. I tell them in this house that I am highly sensitive and they laugh. I don't think they can imagine it in the slightest. But you know what I mean and it's good to find people who do. Have a lovely weekend. CJ xx

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    1. Dear CJ
      The roller coaster phenomena... It's a constant up and down isn't it? I think I've gotten used to it somehow or maybe just become more accepting to my ups and downs. When the blues comes I let it be and think, tomorrow it will feel different and it almost always do.
      Take care.
      Xxx

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  2. Loved the foggy photos. And the trees do look like they are "reaching". I used to hate Winter and how bare the trees looked. Now I love to look at the "bones" of the trees and see how they are all so different, just like tree bark is.

    Yes, I understand hypersensitivity. It is hard to be a person who feels so much. But in time you do learn how to handle it all. I'm 61 and have a pretty good grip on it, but still have my days when it's all just too much. I stay away from news on television and social media. Too much hate and violence.

    Enjoy the fifties! Dance and sing and enjoy life, it is so precious!

    Darlene

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    1. Dear DArla Mae
      Me too stay away from news nowadays... It just becomes too much for me with all the misery going on in our world for the moment. I keep to my own little world here at home with my family. We got enough dramas as it is I would say. At least its something I can handle.
      Xxx

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  3. Thank you for sharing all these lovely thoughts. I always enjoy and take in with me what you write. I'm joining you in dancing and singing and enjoying life. Greetings from Greece. Evi xx

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    Replies
    1. Yaaaay! Singing and dancing is great therapy!
      Σας ευχαριστώ
      Xxx

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  4. Wow, so beautifully written!! I can completely relate. I think another term that fits is "empath" especially when it comes to absorbing the emotions of others around us. You are not alone in this! I love those wonderful moments when the clouds lift and we feel like everything is lined up perfectly and there is nothing else to do but enjoy that moment. :)

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    1. Dear Farrah
      You explain it so nice, that special feel good moment. I'm gonna take that onboard and save it. :) Happy to see you here. Hope all is well.
      Xxx

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  5. I think many people can relate. I'm a few years off of fifty myself and have found I've become sensitive to noise. Well more like irritated by certain trigger noises as I've come to discover is Misophonia. I believe has started from my work place. Anyway, that's what makes us all unique. Nothing wrong with that, embrace it all. Even in my crochet and crafting a bit of ADD has always been an issue. I admire people who can start and finish projects without straying. Love your blog. Laydilyke (Crochetapy)

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    1. Thank you. :) I start so many projects just to get distracted and never really finish... and then I start something new. Ha ha ha! Good to know I'm not alone.
      Xxx

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  6. Je suis tout à fait ravie de lire "My fifty will be a proud fifty." :)
    De très belles années à venir. Merci pour ces magnifiques photos brumeuses, tout en contraste avec le texte éclatant et lumineux !

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  7. Eu de vez em quando vinha espreitar, para saber se havia um post novo. Fico muito contente por saber que está de volta. Também eu tenho 53 anos, fiz uma histeroctomia e isto não está fácil. São as constantes alterações de humor, os calores e as insónias... mas tudo passa e estas sensações também hão-de passar.

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    Replies
    1. Olá
      Obrigado por compartilhar. Desejo-lhe uma rápida recuperação e boa sorte após a sua grande operação. A vida é preciosa. Cuide de si e de seus entes queridos.
      Xxx

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  8. Great to see you here again! Love the photos, so athmospheric.

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  9. Hi! Oh my word your post resonates. I am at the end of my fifties but still I over think, over feel and with it comes all you have described. Last year tore me apart as my sisters, who I had considered to be close, told me completely out of the blue they no longer wanted any more contact with me. I am a bully and make them feel sick. I cannot tell you how it has affected me. I question everything and no longer know who I am. The rest of my family and my lovely friends have been supportive and are completely stunned by their behaviour. It has been very hard but slowly I am beginning to help myself and reading about how you cope makes me feel I am not alone. Take kind care of yourself. x

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  10. Your photos are stunning. Take care.

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  11. I freakin' love my 50's! Everything feels far more weighed down by expectations and the opinions of others.

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Thank you so much for visiting my world. I love reading your comments and I do my utterly best to respond to questions and sweet messages. Thank you again for popping by.

Kärlek
Annette

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